My Everything Shower (and Why I Stopped Feeling Guilty About It)

It was 4:52 p.m. on a Tuesday. I know because I looked at the microwave clock and thought, how is it not bedtime yet?

By the end of that day, I needed an everything shower more than I needed dinner. But let me back up.

Harris had a hard afternoon. His teacher was out, and a substitute changed the order of his day. Just one small shift. But for Harris, one small shift can knock over the whole afternoon.

He came home wound tight. He wanted his snack on the blue plate. The blue plate was in the dishwasher. I washed it by hand while he paced the kitchen, and I tried to keep my voice soft and steady, the way I've learned to.

Meanwhile, Jonah decided this was the perfect moment to argue about his reading log. Not do it. Argue about it. For twenty minutes.

And Isla was on my hip the whole time, teething and fussy. She doesn't have words yet. So when something hurts, she tells me the only way she can. Loudly.

Paul was in another time zone.

I hadn't had water since lunch. My hair had been in the same clip for three days. I could feel that buzzy, stretched-thin feeling in my chest that tells me I'm running on empty. 

That's when Fernanda came down the stairs, back from her English class. She looked at me. She looked at the kids. And she just held out her arms for Isla. "Vai," she said. That's Portuguese for go. "I have them."

I almost said no. I almost said I'm fine. That's my reflex.

But I wasn't fine. So I went.

What is an everything shower?

If you haven't heard the term, an everything shower is exactly what it sounds like. It's the shower where you do everything.

Exfoliating. Shaving. Deep conditioning. Maybe a little massage if you're feeling fancy.

It's not the two-minute rinse with the door cracked open so you can hear if someone falls off the couch. It's slow on purpose. It's a way to wash off the stress and the weight of the day (or the week) and step out feeling like yourself again.

For me, it's less about getting clean and more about getting quiet.

When a mom needs a break, this is my reset

Some days you just feel off. Drained. Overwhelmed. A little blah.  If that's where you are, friend, here's your sign. It's time for an everything shower.

Here's how I like to do mine. Take what helps and leave the rest. There's no wrong way to do this.

1. Set the mood

I turn on a worship playlist or a podcast I love. Some nights I light a candle or dim the lights. A few drops of eucalyptus or essential oil make it feel like a little spa, even with Lego pieces on the bathroom floor.

2. Dry brush before you get in

Dry brushing is one of my favorite steps. Many people love it for smoother skin and circulation. For me, it's a gentle way to wake my body up before the water ever turns on.

Start at your feet and brush upward in long, gentle strokes toward your heart. It only takes a couple of minutes, but it really does make a difference in how I feel.

My go-to dry brush: goop Beauty Dry Brush

3. Rinse and wash away the day

That Tuesday, I just stood under the hot water for a minute and let my shoulders drop.

I like a clean, non-toxic body wash that smells amazing but won't strip my skin. And I take my time. No rushing here.

My favorite non-toxic body washes: Kopari Jumbo Hydrating Body Wash | OSEA Undaria Algae Body Wash

4. Deep condition your hair

I washed my hair twice that night. Three days in a clip will do that.

Then I let a good deep conditioner actually sit while I did everything else. If you have time, a heat cap adds extra hydration.

My favorite deep conditioning treatment: VEGAMOUR HYDR-8 Mask

5. Exfoliate and shave

A gentle body scrub leaves my skin so soft. And if you shave, put on an oil or a non-toxic shaving cream first. It makes all the difference.

I shaved both legs that night. All the way up. Honestly, it felt like a small miracle.

My go-to body scrub: OSEA Salts of the Earth Body Scrub
Best razor I've ever used: Athena Club (25% off)

6. A gentle massage

While I'm already slowing down, I take a minute to massage my legs, arms, and stomach with gentle upward strokes. It feels so good, and it helps my whole body relax.

I love using the OSEA Vagus Nerve Bath Oil for this.

If you want to go deeper, I shared my full lymphatic drainage routine here.

7. Rinse with cold water (if you're feeling brave)

A quick blast of cold water at the end wakes me right up. It's optional, but I always feel more awake and energized afterward.

My post-shower routine

An everything shower isn't complete without a little care after the water turns off.

I put on lotion or body oil while my skin is still a little damp, and I don't forget my hands and feet. I let my hair air dry or add a lightweight hair oil. Then I put on my coziest pajamas and just sit for a minute.

My top non-toxic body lotion: OSEA Undaria Algae Body Butter
My current favorite hair oil: OUAI Hair Oil

The prayer I didn't plan to pray

Somewhere in the middle of that Tuesday shower, I started praying.

It wasn't a pretty prayer. Just, Lord, I'm so tired. I don't know how to do today well.

I thought about Jesus saying, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28).

I've read that verse a hundred times. But standing there with hot water running down my back, it felt less like a verse and more like an invitation. Like He was saying, this counts too. Letting yourself rest counts.

Through the door, I could hear Fernanda counting in Portuguese. I heard Jonah try to copy her and get it wrong on purpose. I heard Harris laugh. That real laugh, the one that means his body has settled. And I heard Isla go quiet. I cried a little. The good kind.

The help that made it possible

Here's the honest part.

The shower didn't fix Tuesday. When I came out, the reading log still wasn't done. Isla's tooth still hurt. Harris still needed bedtime to go exactly the way it always goes.

But I came back different. Softer. Steadier. I had something to give again.

I don't get an everything shower every day. Most days I still rinse and run like every other mom I know. But having Fernanda in our home means I get one at all. When this mom needs a break, there's someone who can step in so I can step away and come back whole.

With Paul traveling so much and Harris needing so much consistency, we needed help that could flex with our real life. If you've ever wondered what hiring an au pair actually looks like, I shared the whole story, from the cost and schedule to how we found Fernanda.

If you're running on empty right now

Mama, if you're reading this with a baby on your hip and a clip in your hair from three days ago, I see you.

You're not weak because you need a break. You're human. And God made you that way on purpose.

Maybe your help looks like an au pair. Maybe it's a friend, a grandparent, or a husband who takes the kids to the park for an hour. Maybe it's just locking the bathroom door and letting the water run a little longer than usual.

Whatever it looks like, take it.

You'll come back better for it. And your kids will get the steadier version of you.

That's not selfish. That's grace.

Frequently asked questions

What is an everything shower?

An everything shower is a long, intentional shower where you do your whole routine at once: washing and deep conditioning your hair, exfoliating, shaving, and moisturizing afterward. It's more of a self-care reset than a quick rinse.

How long does an everything shower take?

Most take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour, depending on how many steps you include. On busy weeks, even a shortened version can feel like a reset.

How often should you take an everything shower?

Many people take one about once a week. I take mine whenever I can, usually on the days this mom needs a break the most.

What do I need for an everything shower?

Start simple: a body wash, a scrub, a deep conditioner, a razor, and a good lotion. A dry brush, a body oil, and a calming playlist are nice extras if you have them.

Is self care biblical?

Yes. Rest is woven all through Scripture, from God resting on the seventh day to Jesus inviting the weary to come to Him (Matthew 11:28). Biblical self care isn't about indulgence. It's about receiving the rest God offers so you can keep caring for the people He's given you.

Can hiring an au pair help when a mom needs a break?

For many families, yes. An au pair lives in your home and can flex with your schedule, so help is there on the hard days. For our family, it gave me margin I didn't have before, including time for an everything shower when I needed it most.

One more thing before you go

Friend, tonight might not be the night for an everything shower. That's okay.

But if you get even ten quiet minutes this week, take them without guilt. Let the water run. Breathe a little deeper. Let God meet you there.

You are carrying so much, and you are not carrying it alone.

Praying you find a little rest this week.

With love,
Amy